Last month, the sound of some unusual hiccups and many giggles rang in your ears. This month is more visually oriented.
The time has arrived. Weeks of looking at his shaggy head will finally come to an end tonight!
Though…I have to admit…
My husband has better hair than I do.
Usually trim and neat, my hubby’s head has been getting quite fluffy of late. Between work and other events, I can’t seem to pin him down long enough to shear back the growth.
Yes, I cut his hair myself — no barber necessary. I’m the “stylist” for our entire family, in fact. Many moons ago when I first got married, my mother walked up to me with electric clippers in her hands and a big smile on her face. “You are going to learn to cut your husband’s hair,” she said, “and you are going to save a lot of money over the years.”
She was right, of course, as mothers often are. My hubby looked a little scraggly around the edges the first few months. Being the patient man that he is, he still held his mangled head high until my hair-cutting skills improved.
Tonight I’m attacking the fluff again, though with an a-typical goal in mind. Tonight I will finally trim his luxurious locks (that any girl would love to possess), but not in order to make him look more presentable. Tonight, I’m seeking to make him look much worse for the entertainment pleasure of all our family and friends on Halloween weekend!
The only thing I really like about Halloween is the fun of dressing up. This year, for a change, we decided to make simple costumes by pulling my grandfather’s old bib overalls out of the closet and being “country folk.”
All this required was to buy a couple of ugly button-up shirts at the local charity/donation shop and throw on some old boots. Simple! No giant masks, no binding costumes, no elaborate makeup that keeps me from touching my face. Braid my hair and put a few eyeliner “freckles” on my cheeks, and I’m good to go.
When I mentioned the idea to my husband, he decided since he was so late on getting his hair cut, he could continue to grow it out until Halloween and do a strange hair cut as part of his costume. Then he tossed the word into the air that I was anticipating in fear: “mullet.”
1. a hairstyle in which the hair is short at the top and long in the back
Origin: origin unknown
What an innocent-sounding definition. I never remembered hearing that word until the last couple of years, but I have many traumatic high school memories involving the hairstyle that word describes.
Multitudes of images flashed through my mind of teenage boys with this often-greasy flap of hair cascading down the back of their necks. These were country boys for sure, complete with boots, gun racks, and dips of tobacco making the skin below their bottom lips protrude like a small tumor.
There are many entertaining stories I could share from those days. I’ll sum it up by saying I’m firmly convinced that for every inch a mullet grows down a boy’s neck, the more brain cells die in his head. (LOL! I’m just joking! No offense meant to those who like this hairstyle. Besides, I only have anecdotal evidence as proof of my theory…)
Usually, I trim the back of my hubby’s hair first, just to avoid even a fleeting impression of a mullet hanging from his head. Tonight, I have no such luck.
My daughter gleefully runs into the room, giggling, and begins snapping photos as the electric clippers glide across his scalp and handfuls of fluffy, dark hair fall to the floor. Though many mullet hairstyles include cutting the hair short across the top of the head, my husband declares that a poof left on the top might add to the entertainment value of his Halloween ensemble.
Ok, that means he is allowed the experience of having a small ponytail directly on the top of his head while I buzz the hair surrounding it. A few more quick touches and “Voila!” we have…something. I’m not quite sure what exactly, but it IS funny (and repellent at the same time).
For bonus entertainment, we shave off his beard — just on his chin — leaving two giant “pork chop” sideburns on his cheeks.
During this process, my daughter continuously giggles and snaps photos, which gets me giggling, too. Laughing while cutting hair is not a good thing, but thankfully I do not draw any blood or make any bald spots.
At an annual fall party at out friends’ house, the hairdo is a big hit. We take a vote as to whether or not he should keep the look. I think he and I cast the only two votes for “NO!”